Malta Top 25
(skip to section 21 if you are a kid, or a kid at heart!)
Photo credit: bonadvisor.com
- Valletta: The City Built by Gentlemen for Gentlemen (aka The Knights Hospitalier)
Welcome to Valletta, a city so posh it was said to be “built by gentlemen for gentlemen.” Fast forward to the twenty first century (ahem…) and everyone is welcome to stroll along the shopping streets shaded by gorgeous Baroque townhouses. Start at the Valletta city gate and stroll in like royalty. If you arrive by boat from the Three Cities, take the Barrakka lift to the top (or walk up the stairs to emerge sweaty and victorious in the Upper Barrakka gardens). Electric tourist trains leave on the hour from St John’s square, offering a cool and relaxing way to take in the major sites.
Website: https://www.visitmalta.com/en/valletta - Blue Grotto: Nature’s Very Own Lava Lamp
Ah, the Blue Grotto! Watching the green and blue light bouncing off the sea to illuminate the cave above is a mystical experience. Take a boat ride through these caves and pretend you’re The Little Mermaid. Just don’t expect any singing crustaceans.
Website: https://www.maltauncovered.com/best-places-to-visit-attractions/blue-grotto/ - Mdina: The Silent City (Shhh!)
Welcome to Mdina, the “Silent City”. It’s so quiet here, you can hear a tourist drop their gelato from a mile away. Walk through the narrow streets and pretend you’re in a medieval spy movie. Just remember, if you’re playing the villain, twirl your mustache silently.
Website: https://www.visitmalta.com/en/mdina-and-rabat - St. John’s Co-Cathedral: Baroque on Steroids
Prepare your eyeballs for a gold-leafed assault! St. John’s Co-Cathedral is what happens when someone says, “More is more, and then add some more.” It’s so ornate, even Louis XIV would say, “Whoa, dial it back a notch.” Don’t forget to look up, down, and sideways – there’s bling everywhere!
Website: https://www.stjohnscocathedral.com/ - Ħaġar Qim and Mnajdra Temples: Prehistoric Fitness Program
These 5000-year-old temples are proof that our ancestors were into megalithic CrossFit. Marvel at the massive stones and wonder how they moved them without protein shakes or energy drinks. Maybe it was all that Mediterranean diet? These temples are aligned with the equinoxes, proving that our ancestors were into astronomy before it was cool. It’s like a Stone Age smartwatch, but slightly less portable. Come here for the interesting interpretive center, two massive temple complexes, and gorgeous views down to Fifla, Malta’s most mysterious island. Perfect for a pack yourself picnic lunch.
Website: https://heritagemalta.mt/explore/hagar-qim-and-mnajdra-archaeological-park/ - Blue Lagoon, Comino: Nature’s Swimming Pool (Floaties Not Included)
Crystal clear waters so blue, you’ll think you’ve stumbled into a real-life Windows desktop background. Dive in and pretend you’re in a shampoo commercial, but beware of photobombing fish. Catch a longer boat there from Sliema ferries, or make your way up to Cirkewwa or Buggiba in the north of Malta for a shorter (and cheaper) ferry option. Many boats are operating in summer on an hourly or more frequent basis. Crowds can get quite packed in summer, so if you can it’s best to go early in the morning.
Website: https://www.maltauncovered.com/blue-lagoon/ - Marsaxlokk Fish Market: a Scented Instagram Opportunity
Get ready for a fishy fashion show! Colorful boats bob in the harbor while fishmongers yell prices. It’s the perfect place to play “Guess That Fish” and pretend you’re a seafood sommelier. Come on a Sunday and mingle with locals who love to enjoy a leisurely seafood lunch on the strand with their family and friends.
Website: https://www.weseektravel.com/marsaxlokk-malta-fishing-village/ - Hypogeum of Ħal-Saflieni: Underground ASMR Experience
Descend into this prehistoric underground structure for a whisper-only tour. It’s like a 5000-year-old library where even your thoughts feel too loud. Perfect for practicing your mime skills or pretending you’re in a silent film.Pro Tip: booking advance tickets are a necessity when visiting in May-September as only a limited number of guests are admitted daily. Website: https://heritagemalta.mt/explore/hal-saflieni-hypogeum/ - Golden Bay: Where Sand Gets Its Moment to Shine
This beach is so golden, it makes King Midas look like an amateur. Bask in the sun and pretend you’re a human nugget. Just don’t be surprised if a pirate mistakes you for buried treasure. Snacks, umbrellas and chairs are for rent on site.
Website: https://goldenbay.mt/ - Mosta Dome: The Church That Literally Dodged a Bullet
This church famously survived a WWII bombing when a 200kg bomb pierced the dome but didn’t explode. It’s like the architectural version of “catch and release”. The bomb’s probably still embarrassed about its epic fail. This church also boasts the third-largest unsupported dome in the world. It’s like the bronze medalist of domes – not quite gold, but still impressive enough to make you crane your neck and go “Woah!”
Website: https://www.visitmalta.com/en/attraction/mosta-dome/ - Upper Barrakka Gardens: Cannon Fire Happy Hour
Enjoy panoramic views and daily cannon firings at 12pm noon and 4pm. It’s like an 18th-century alarm clock that never learned about the snooze button. Cover your ears and pretend you’re a time-traveling soldier with terrible aim.
Website: https://www.visitmalta.com/en/attraction/upper-barrakka-gardens-malta/ - Ġgantija Temples: The Original Tiny House Movement Gone Wrong (Gozo)
These Neolithic temples prove that “go big or go home” was a thing even in 3600 BC. It’s like our ancestors were playing with giant Legos. Spoiler alert: they won.
Website: https://www.visitmalta.com/en/attraction/%C4%A0gantija-Temples/ - Dingli Cliffs: Malta’s Natural Selfie Stick
Stand on the edge of these majestic cliffs and feel like you’re on top of the world (or at least on the highest point in Malta). Perfect for dramatic poses and pretending you’re in a movie trailer. But don’t get too close to the edge please, it’s very windy up here year round.
Website: https://www.visitmalta.com/en/attraction/dingli-cliffs-malta/ - The Three Cities (Birgu, Bormla, Senglea): The Original Maltese Triplets
Welcome to the Three Cities, where history comes in triplicate! Birgu, Bormla, and Isla are like the original Maltese triplets – each with their own personality, but always sticking together. These fortified cities are so old, they probably babysat Valletta in its infancy. Birgu (Vittoriosa) is the know-it-all firstborn, boasting about its maritime history at the Maritime Museum, and Fort St. Angelo showing off it’s cannons and 5 meter thick walls in epic medieval style. Bormla (Cospicua) is the middle child, always trying to stand out with its massive dockyards. And Isla (Senglea) is the baby of the bunch, small but feisty, with views over the Grand Harbour that’ll make your Instagram followers green with envy. Stroll through narrow streets that make a maze look straightforward, and pretend you’re a time-traveling sailor looking for your ship. Just don’t expect to find it easily – these cities are experts at the historical hide-and-seek game. Pro tip: Bring comfortable shoes and a sense of direction. If you get lost, just blame it on the ghosts of knights past playing tricks on you. And remember, it’s not about the destination, it’s about how many times you circle the same piazza before admitting you need directions. If you don’t feel like walking around the entire Three Cities, hire a golf cart from Rolling Geeks to for a self guided audio tour on wheels. - Fort St. Elmo: The Fort That Refused to Quit
The site of one of the bloodiest battles in the history of Malta’s epic siege by the Turks,, this star-shaped fort has seen more action than Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel and Jason Statham combined. Tour the grounds and channel your inner swashbuckler. Eye patches and parrots optional but encouraged.
Website: https://www.visitmalta.com/en/attraction/fort-st-elmo/ - Gozo Citadel: The Fortress Time Forgot (Until Tourism Remembered) (Gozo)
Perched high on a hill, this fortress city offers panoramic views and a journey through time. It’s like a historical theme park, minus the overpriced souvenirs and costumed characters.
Website: https://www.weseektravel.com/citadel-in-gozo/ - Marsalforn Salt Pans: Nature’s Seasoning Factory (Gozo)
These ancient salt pans are proof that humans have been obsessed with flavor for millennia. Walk along the checkerboard coast and pretend you’re a salt farmer. Don’t believe it’s really soft – bend down and lick the rocks, it’s free!
Website: https://www.visitmalta.com/en/attraction/saltpans/ - Ta’ Pinu Basilica: The Church That Whispers (Gozo)
This grand and highly decorated basilica, complete with fabulous exterior carvings, has a reputation for miraculous events. It stands alone in the Gozitan countryside with views on all sides. It’s like the introvert of churches – it needs its space. Come here to whisper your secrets; the walls are great listeners.
Website: https://www.tapinu.org/ - Ta’ Pinu Basilica: The Church That Whispers (Gozo)
This grand and highly decorated basilica, complete with fabulous exterior carvings, has a reputation for miraculous events. It stands alone in the Gozitan countryside with views on all sides. It’s like the introvert of churches – it needs its space. Come here to whisper your secrets; the walls are great listeners.
Website: https://www.tapinu.org/ - Palazzo Falson: an Old House With Expensive Old Things Inside
This beautiful medieval palazzo, once home to the Gollchers, a wealthy trading family, is packed with fascinating curios and art. It’s like your grandma’s attic, but with priceless antiques instead of moth-eaten sweaters. Try not to sneeze – dust has historic value here.
Website: https://www.palazzofalson.com/ - Għar Dalam Cave: The Original Maltese Petting Zoo
Step into this prehistoric cave and meet the fossil remains of dwarf elephants and hippos. It’s like Jurassic Park, but with cuter, pocket-sized versions of extinct animals. No, you can’t take one home as a souvenir.
Website: https://www.visitmalta.com/en/attraction/ghar-dalam-cave-and-museum/
And Finally….(Not) Just for Kids!
Photo credit: travelwithkally.blogspot.com
21. Popeye Village: Where Spinach is Always on the Menu
Ahoy, matey! Welcome to Popeye Village, where biceps are always bulging and spinach is a food group. Built as a film set and now a theme park, it’s the perfect place to practice your sailor talk and squinty eye. Just don’t try to win Olive Oyl’s heart – she’s taken, pal. Enjoy a beach, waterpark and cafe on site. Fun Fact: The vegetables here don’t talk, but they might make you stronger. Website: https://popeyemalta.com/
22. Playmobil FunPark: Where Tiny Plastic People Rule
Ever wanted to be a giant? At the Playmobil FunPark, you’re the biggest kid on the block! Climb, slide, and play amongst enormous Playmobil figures. Build your own adventures, drive mini cars, and let your imagination run wild. Just watch out for the life-sized knights – they might challenge you to a (plastic) duel! Fun Fact: If all the Playmobil figures in the world held hands, they could circle the Earth about 5 times! Website: https://www.playmobil.com.mt/funpark/
23. Splash & Fun Water Park: Where Getting Soaked is the Goal
Beat the heat and make a splash at Malta’s wildest water park! Race down twisting slides, bob in the wave pool, or relax on the lazy river (perfect for tired parents!). For the brave, try the Sidewinder – it’s like flushing yourself down a giant toilet, but way more fun! Cafes and restaurants on site. Fun Fact: You’ll probably swallow less water here than you do when brushing your teeth! Website: https://splashandfunmalta.com/
24. Malta National Aquarium: Underwater Adventures (No Gills Required!)
Dive into a world of finned friends without getting wet! See sharks smile (or is that just their normal face?), watch rays glide like underwater superheroes, and giggle at clownfish telling fishy jokes. Don’t forget to wave at the octopus – they might wave back with all eight arms!Fun Fact: Fish don’t need to brush their teeth. Lucky them! Website: https://nationalaquarium.com.mt/
25. Esplora: Where Science Gets a Giggle-Boost!
Welcome to Esplora, the place where science puts on its party hat! This isn’t your average museum – it’s a playground for your brain where touching stuff isn’t just allowed, it’s encouraged! Prepare to launch yourself into a world of wacky experiments and mind-bending exhibits. Don’t miss the outdoor area where you can defy gravity on the ‘Sky High’ exhibit. It’s like being an astronaut, but with less floating and more giggling. Fun Fact: The building Esplora is housed in used to be a hospital. Now instead of fixing boo-boos, it’s fixing boredom! Website: https://esplora.org.mt/
26. And let’s sneak in a 26 just for fun – Good Old Fashioned Playgrounds!
Nothing beats a romp at the playground. Here are some top picks by area, use google maps for exact address.
-Valletta area: King George V Recreational Grounds playground (in Floriana, 5-10 mins outside the gates, large shaded area with cafe)
-Sliema: Exiles Bay, playground and small sandy beach, cafes in the area), or Qui Si Sana playground.
-Three Cities: Ġnien Fuq il-Glażiż (shaded and wooded with interesting play structures)
-Mdina: large modern playground right outside the city gate.
-St Paul’s Bay: Pjazza San Pawl Playground (rocket ship slide! Can I get a what what!)